Love, health & happiness, just to name a few ...

I dont know where too begin with this today... The medication list has me a bit overwhelmed, but thats to be understood, as there are alot of them that I take.  Its a little tough trying to maintain the balance at home that I had in the hospital.  The reason I was admitted on Friday was to get the pain under control and by Tuesday it was, therefore, I came home home.  They litterally tripled my pain medication doseages.  Since I came home I have had it undercontrol, except for a few instances.  It gets frustrating, but after some investigative work, I have determined that I need to stop being a "cowboy" as I was labeled early on.  I tend to take the minimal amount of medication I can to get by through out my day, disregarding my comfort, and it really should be the opposite.  I should be comfortable in this fight, and pain shouldnt be an issue really.  I know I will be sore, but sore and in pain are two different things.  Sore lets me know why I am here, pain makes me wish I wasnt.

I need to just slow down.  Any sence of normalcy and I go at life as it was 6 months ago, when the sky was the limit, or so I thought.  I feel great getting out of the hospital, and come home going at a pace thats about 150% faster than I should.  I need to just take my time.  This entire deal as brought my life back into check and makes me realize whats truly important.  As cliche' as that sounds, its oh so true.  I cant speak for anyone but myself, but I know that I took alot of life for granted, failing to appreciate value of many simple things in life.  Love, health and happiness just to name a few!

More appointments and shots today.  I have another chemo next week, which I look forward to.  I really do.  The side effects are getting a bit more intense each time, but I welcome the positive effects that the treatments bring.  Everything tastes the same.  Its hard to explain, but I can differentiate between textures and consistancy, but the flavor is all generically the same.  Makes it easy on the chef, ha.  I am pretty confident that the remainder of my hair will be gone after the next treatment.  Fatigue is something I still battle, weather its a physical weekness of my muscles, or just drowsiness.  Its no surprise with the cocktail they have brewing in my veins.

All and all, we are getting better, just gotta keep pluggin away.  I gotta remember that this is just a chapter in the book of life rather than the entire story.  Simple as that.  I cant worry about things that I cant change.  I can only ask for the power to change the things I can...and hopefully I will have the wisdom to know the difference between the two.

I have to thank everyone again for all they have done, especially while in hospital.  Its speaks volumes to the potential of the human spirit when the intentions are good.  I know that sounds really "deep", but there is no other way to say it.... just the messages, posts, emails, cards or packages... they all make it that much easier in one way or another.  Although its not enough to just say thank you, thats about all I can say or do.  Its amazing.