Legal Pads

Buy stock in legal pads!  I have 50,000 characters worth of mental notes to get down on paper.  The things I want to do or build once I am back on my feet.  Just built a completely new 1932 Ford Roadster in my head with all the left over parts from the 1932 Ford Roadster I am currently building, ha.

Spartans won.... now watching Danica in the Nationwide series, skip back to the Duke / Maryland game, check the USA's standings in speed skating throughout the afternoon and finish the evening off with some of the National Basketball Association's Slam Dunk Contest.

For your reference the 5000m speed skating is 3.10685596119 miles.

Back is slightly better, legs are good, weak but good, I am confident its going to be a good weekend and get back to treatment bright and early Monday.

"cowboy"

"Meeeister Kacynski..... do not be a cowboy, you hear me?"

That quote has echoed through my head all week,  and now as I continue my daily routine this Friday morning.  Dr. Espinoza laid it out there in pretty blunt terms about my condition and the reason I couldnt walk Monday.  It was an eye opener and reality check.  Perhaps I needed to swallow my pride, and admit that there was going to be some tasks that I could not and should not attempt to manage. 

Thats been the hardest part thus far.  The waiting game.  Everyone says that very same thing in retrospect to their fight with cancer.  The waiting and unknown will test the will of even the strongest man.  I enjoy hard work, and its rewards.  I recieved great satisfaction in putting in 14 hours a day working or more.  I was always fairly self-sufficiant, I had a system that didnt really need an extra hand, but welcomed it from time to time.

I always told myself and those around me that I would still work around my treatment schedule and keep occupied in between appointments.  I think I proved myself wrong last weekend.

As hard as it is, I had to open my eyes to the obvious.... I am sick and need to take the time to heal.  This wasnt a seasonal cold or flu... its Stage 4 Renal Cell Cancer.  It was very hard for me to realize that its OK for me to take a few weeks off work and the daily grind, to just take it easy and recover.  I am no less macho or tough I suppose for taking time off to let time take its course and heal.

I can walk today, which I couldnt 4 days ago... let alone the other details in life that involve the use of your legs, ask Stacy for details, ha.  Lets just say that she is getting more than she bargined for when she said "I do".  This is that "in sickness and in health" part.  A steady diet of tablets and capsules lends aid throughout the day.  Radiation seems to already have a positive effect, just 4 days into the 3 week course, and with continued rest I think I am back on track.

I cannot express how truly greatful I am to have such great people in my life...

Thank you sooo much to all of you who have reached out to not only me, but Stacy, Lilli, and my parents.  Like I said, I have never been one to lean on others for much, but everyone has been so gracious and willing to lend a hand, and that truly means the world to me!  Thank you!

(fast forward to 3:25pm)

I am home now, and will try to keep this thing up to date, and do my part to keep out of the hospital in the near future.

Radiation continues Monday and  Tuesday takes us to the University of Chicago, then Wednesday back in St. Joseph to hopefully get the master plan with all that is in store.

I need ANSWERS!!!

Took delivery of my "2010 Guardian Walker"....

a premium alloy based walking assistance device... yes... a WALKER

I am trying to get a plan on what exactly I can cut, chop or modify to personlized it and not void the warrenty of this machine.  Its annodized in a chilling gun metal grey hue, with dry rubber hand grips.  The various metal accents are finished in a dark hammered tone feel, letting everyone know just exactly what I'M working with.  Where most stereotypical "walker" users would put tennis balls on the front of the machine to "slide" along.... I got wheels...yes actual WHEELS

Given my recent driving record, I am not convinced the state of Michigan will allow me behind the controls of this thing in public.

"whole lotta love"

Never fails... quite the party AGAIN tonight in my Lakeland condo in the sky...  I ate too much, partied too late, and got to see my middle aged caucasion nurse "Bill", rap a song he wrote about a home remodeling job and "lead paint".

We are going to need some more chairs!

We seem to take over this place whenever I get in here.

Thanks again to everyone who wrote messages on here or sent them to me... it truly means alot!

"At ease"

The ring leader of this circus, my oncologists, Dr. Paloyan.... how can you thank a guy like that.  Heres a guy whose job is to deliver some of the worst news people can imagine hearing, and yet he installs a comfort and confidence that is absolutly necessary.

All and all things are great.  Monday, we had a bit of rough stretch with some news and what seemed to be lack of organization, or so we thought.  It didnt take more than 3 min on the phone Monday, and 30 min in the room this morning with Dr. Paloyan to reensure  that we are indeed on our way!

Its amazing the amount of coordination needed to stage a fight of this magnitude.  This isnt an ideal venue for my typical "shoot from the hip" mentality.

Treatment goes on, 9am... thanks again for everything everyone has been doing for me and my family.  Its truly incredible.

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So it begins....

"Patients is a virtue"..... unfortunatly I dont have many. 

I am a person whose typical day prior to Jan 31st 2010, worked from 5am-9pm in one capacity or another.  Every spare moment accounted for and used wisely.  When the suspicions became present and questions were raised, everything came to stop and the hurry up and wait game started.  The waiting and not knowing is the hardest part.  Waiting for results, waiting to get a plan, meanwhile sitting idle, letting the mind wonder.

Bare with me if these posts ramble or are random.  I have alot of time on my hands.

Never the less.... radiation treatment has began today.

I have felt pretty decent for the past week, a little tired, a little sore, but all and all fair.  Trying to lead a normal life, I probably over did it this past weekend, and paid for it Monday.  After the consultaion with the radiation therepists' we went on home and I was quite sore.  Leg pain that was worse than before, limiting and in some cases prohibiting me from moving at all.  After a long night up, and brief conversation with Dr. Paloyan, we decided it was best for me and those around me to be admitted to the hosptial and recieve radiation this week as an "inpatient".

The radiation is of the palliative type... simply bringing me relief from the pain in my spine and areas the surrounding nerves affect.  The disease as a whole will be addressed with surgery and chemo after a few more appointments with my local oncologists, Dr. Paloyan, and the crew at University of Chicago early next week.

I have company now...  I have plenty of time to post more later, I'll be here a while.

-welcome-

As a person who tried to stay clear of societies obsession with "status updates" and "tweets"... I never thought I would be in a position where a blog would be appropriate.  I was always of the mindset that if there was someone or something that I wanted to inquire about, I could personally, and vise versa.  The internet based relationship's seem to lack a certain authenticity, and felt a bit forced by trend.  Dont get me wrong, I use the internet for hours daily, for business and research, hobby networking etc.... just never got into "blogs", "twitter", "facebook"...etc.  Never seen a need for it.... until maybe now.

On Feb 4th 2010, at the age of 29 years, 2 months and 4 days old I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Renal Cell Carcinoma, basically kidney cancer that had metastasized or spread throughout my spine as well as other bones.  It all started as a sore lower back that a chiropractor couldn't relieve.  After countless scans and pokes and prouds, the near future had changed for certain... things became focused and priorities aligned.... Feb 5th was the first day of the fight that would define my life.

Statisically the prognosis would be grim, to say the least.  I have been reminded of that by many peoples faces and looks of terror when giving them the news.  But then again statistically, I am not suppose to be the man with kidney cancer...  I am not of an avg age of 50, I am not over weight, I am not a smoker, I have no history of kidney cancer in the family, I have not abused perscribtion pain medicine, I do not have the genetic conditions making me more likely...

I just happened to be the statistic that has this disease.... so whats to say that I cant be the statistic to beat this disease too.