I dont know where too begin with this today... The medication list has me a bit overwhelmed, but thats to be understood, as there are alot of them that I take. Its a little tough trying to maintain the balance at home that I had in the hospital. The reason I was admitted on Friday was to get the pain under control and by Tuesday it was, therefore, I came home home. They litterally tripled my pain medication doseages. Since I came home I have had it undercontrol, except for a few instances. It gets frustrating, but after some investigative work, I have determined that I need to stop being a "cowboy" as I was labeled early on. I tend to take the minimal amount of medication I can to get by through out my day, disregarding my comfort, and it really should be the opposite. I should be comfortable in this fight, and pain shouldnt be an issue really. I know I will be sore, but sore and in pain are two different things. Sore lets me know why I am here, pain makes me wish I wasnt.
I need to just slow down. Any sence of normalcy and I go at life as it was 6 months ago, when the sky was the limit, or so I thought. I feel great getting out of the hospital, and come home going at a pace thats about 150% faster than I should. I need to just take my time. This entire deal as brought my life back into check and makes me realize whats truly important. As cliche' as that sounds, its oh so true. I cant speak for anyone but myself, but I know that I took alot of life for granted, failing to appreciate value of many simple things in life. Love, health and happiness just to name a few!
More appointments and shots today. I have another chemo next week, which I look forward to. I really do. The side effects are getting a bit more intense each time, but I welcome the positive effects that the treatments bring. Everything tastes the same. Its hard to explain, but I can differentiate between textures and consistancy, but the flavor is all generically the same. Makes it easy on the chef, ha. I am pretty confident that the remainder of my hair will be gone after the next treatment. Fatigue is something I still battle, weather its a physical weekness of my muscles, or just drowsiness. Its no surprise with the cocktail they have brewing in my veins.
All and all, we are getting better, just gotta keep pluggin away. I gotta remember that this is just a chapter in the book of life rather than the entire story. Simple as that. I cant worry about things that I cant change. I can only ask for the power to change the things I can...and hopefully I will have the wisdom to know the difference between the two.
I have to thank everyone again for all they have done, especially while in hospital. Its speaks volumes to the potential of the human spirit when the intentions are good. I know that sounds really "deep", but there is no other way to say it.... just the messages, posts, emails, cards or packages... they all make it that much easier in one way or another. Although its not enough to just say thank you, thats about all I can say or do. Its amazing.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
- home sweet home-
Hard to explain the sense of comfort gathered from the familiar sound and scent of HOME SWEET HOME (almost sounds french by the way)...
Came home yesterday, feeling better. Back to the routine today, shots, appointments etc. TK is here to accept driving responsibilities for the day. I will write more in the blog later, because as of right now I see the S.O.S flares going off and signs of distress through the air across the living room as he sits on the couch trying to program his new flip phone. I think I need to intervene before someone gets hurt. More to come...
Its 8 a.m....Def LePPard is playing on Pandora, fresh pot of coffee, a new FLIP phone is involved, and some sunshine to start the day... life aint all bad ya know.
GO BEE's... the old Bridgman Bee's stepping it up and playing on the state level. Good to see! I dont think I can make it up there, but I sure wish I could.
Came home yesterday, feeling better. Back to the routine today, shots, appointments etc. TK is here to accept driving responsibilities for the day. I will write more in the blog later, because as of right now I see the S.O.S flares going off and signs of distress through the air across the living room as he sits on the couch trying to program his new flip phone. I think I need to intervene before someone gets hurt. More to come...
Its 8 a.m....Def LePPard is playing on Pandora, fresh pot of coffee, a new FLIP phone is involved, and some sunshine to start the day... life aint all bad ya know.
GO BEE's... the old Bridgman Bee's stepping it up and playing on the state level. Good to see! I dont think I can make it up there, but I sure wish I could.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
manic monday
I sit here drinking one of the imfamous "coffee shop milkshakes", nearly 24 hours after I was to begin the fasting procress for the procedure I endured today. Not eatting or drinking anything in this terribly dry enviroment for 18 hours was probably the toughest part of it all. Its hard to explain how dry it is in this hospital, and even tougher to explain how nice this milkshake is right now.
As for todays "procedure"... it went well. After a brief consultation with Dr. Jordan just prior to going under anesthesia, he determined that to do any work in the sacrum area would involve too much risk. There are some serious nerve endings in the sacrum that would be at risk of being damaged with a kyphoplasty. Damage there could result in paralyzation and worse, and those are results that are always frowned up. Dr. Jordan was very honest and open and said that he didnt feel comfortable doing anything in that area, but seen a real benefit could be gained by doing some Radiofrequency Ablation (RFA) in my left Iliac wing. There are some lesions in this area, causing alot of pain. RFA is a process where they use a long probe to go into the back or problem area and the use pin point localized radiation to zap or kill the tumors This process was used today in the left Iliac wing area, which is just to the side of the sacrum. This will hopefully relieve some of the lower back and left left pain. I am confident it will.
Just finished a lap around the 4th floor here, before I sat down to enjoy the milkshake and write this. Thats a vast improvement, considering Friday I couldnt even walk. I was also able to do a handfull of the daily routine most take for granted. These are things that I couldnt do, but after some medication adjustments, and this procdure... I think we are back on track. Not to mention, the chemotherapy... I am certain that is having a positive effect already. Their is a possibility that more RFA will take place in the future, depending on the results of today's work.
The plan is to get out of here tomorrow. The stay has been a great success, and well needed. The medication list was altered greatly, but for the better. The RFA procedure really has me excited to see where I will be in a few days after it has had time to heal up.
I am exhausted and need to call it a night. I am probably just babbling anyway. Been a busy couple days. I wasnt gonna even post, but the people want a posting... so, being a man of the people, for the people.... I give the people what they want. People wanted pics too.... so here you go... I look like a zombie, but feel pretty good. Please excuse the cell phone pic and partial head of hair. Its about 70% out. I am staring at something on the TV when Stacy snapped this pic. By the way.... GO SPARTANs ..... gotta love march madness.
As for todays "procedure"... it went well. After a brief consultation with Dr. Jordan just prior to going under anesthesia, he determined that to do any work in the sacrum area would involve too much risk. There are some serious nerve endings in the sacrum that would be at risk of being damaged with a kyphoplasty. Damage there could result in paralyzation and worse, and those are results that are always frowned up. Dr. Jordan was very honest and open and said that he didnt feel comfortable doing anything in that area, but seen a real benefit could be gained by doing some Radiofrequency Ablation (RFA) in my left Iliac wing. There are some lesions in this area, causing alot of pain. RFA is a process where they use a long probe to go into the back or problem area and the use pin point localized radiation to zap or kill the tumors This process was used today in the left Iliac wing area, which is just to the side of the sacrum. This will hopefully relieve some of the lower back and left left pain. I am confident it will.
Just finished a lap around the 4th floor here, before I sat down to enjoy the milkshake and write this. Thats a vast improvement, considering Friday I couldnt even walk. I was also able to do a handfull of the daily routine most take for granted. These are things that I couldnt do, but after some medication adjustments, and this procdure... I think we are back on track. Not to mention, the chemotherapy... I am certain that is having a positive effect already. Their is a possibility that more RFA will take place in the future, depending on the results of today's work.
The plan is to get out of here tomorrow. The stay has been a great success, and well needed. The medication list was altered greatly, but for the better. The RFA procedure really has me excited to see where I will be in a few days after it has had time to heal up.
I am exhausted and need to call it a night. I am probably just babbling anyway. Been a busy couple days. I wasnt gonna even post, but the people want a posting... so, being a man of the people, for the people.... I give the people what they want. People wanted pics too.... so here you go... I look like a zombie, but feel pretty good. Please excuse the cell phone pic and partial head of hair. Its about 70% out. I am staring at something on the TV when Stacy snapped this pic. By the way.... GO SPARTANs ..... gotta love march madness.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Part 1 of ?
Last updated this Friday, bright and early as can be read below. That post expressed where I was Friday morning. Only thing on my plate for Friday was to make it to the office for a Luekin shot. For now, I am to get a daily shot through out the first parts of the chemotherapy, just to keep the white blood cell counts in check and immune system up to snuff. So.... fast forward a bit, and I am in my extended legnth mid morning routine, and as explained in Friday's post, coping with a bit more pain. TK picks me up and we make our way to Dr. Paloyan's office for the needed shot. I spend the 15 min car ride picking my hair off the shoulders of my sweatshirt, wondering why I even have a sweatshirt on, as its nearly 60 degrees out. My frustration is increasing from the amount of pain as well as being too warm for the clothes I have dressed in not to mention the feeling of my sheding hair down my sweaty back and neck. Finally we arrive in drop off turnaround, I bail out of the PT cruiser and am greated with a strong scent of something electrical burning. This is the second time that TK and I have noticed this, thats not good. I can hardly get out of my own way... what the hell am I supposed to do if I need to get out of this car in an emergency? The scenario's race through my head at an alarming rate, and the results are all the same...
(side note... pandora is great, http://www.pandora.com/)
I made my way in for the shot. The nurses seems to notice a bit more struggle in my steps, it doesnt take long for the her to comment and I mention that something has to change, and that the past week has been tough, and I should probably get with Dr. Paloyan about increasing the medications I am on. Simultaneously, my Mom, after reading the emails in that I mentioned in Friday's post, calls Paloyan's office to see if while I was there for the shot, the pain issue could be addressed. About that time, the nurse comes back and mentions that she would like me to just hang tight for a bit, and she will talk with the doctor. 10 min later a decision is made to get me into the hospital for pain management. I honestly felt relieved and knew this was the best thing for me.
As of around 2pm Friday, I have been at Lakeland hospital, working with Dr. Stafford who has been in touch with Dr. Paloyan and I believe Dr. Jordan as well. Ironically, the gentleman that takes care of me in the infusion clinic, works here on the 4th floor one weekend a moth, and this is his weekend. So I am in good hands, hands that are familiar with my situation. Basically, we are trying to get a diet or regiment of medications that will allow me to lead a comfortable life... that new "normal" I mentioned a few times before. ALOT has changed since this current medication list was installed into my routine. I have been through radiation, started chemo, my body has changed alot, and the meds changed very little.
I think we have taken the right steps this weekend so far, and am confident that we will get this whipped, just a little hiccup. The pain friday was probably as bad as it has been at certain points, and today I am sitting here pretty content and looking forward to more great basketball on TV. Thats a whole other post in itself, go SPARTANS.
I touched based on it a bit last week, but there is a few procedures that they are considering or I should say will be doing Monday, in hopes of providing more pain relief. I will be here until Tuesday to recover from that.
As usual, when I get in here, we take over, ha. Alot of good company, good people, snacks, treats, etc. Its been great. I havnt had much of a chance to sit down and take a deep breath which I think I will now. I am actually here by myself for a bit while Stacy ran some errends. Alot has happened, changed or will be changing in the next week or so, I will try to write more tonight, but like I said, it gets crazy in this little room from time to time, and I dont know what I will be able to sneek into the schedule.
My hair is on its last leg, alot has fell out, more soon to come.
Its about lunch time, there are a few good stories I am leaving out, but time will only make em better! Thanks again everyone for all you have done and continue to do. I know one thing, its gotta be impossible for me to fail at anything with this much support behind me!
(side note... pandora is great, http://www.pandora.com/)
I made my way in for the shot. The nurses seems to notice a bit more struggle in my steps, it doesnt take long for the her to comment and I mention that something has to change, and that the past week has been tough, and I should probably get with Dr. Paloyan about increasing the medications I am on. Simultaneously, my Mom, after reading the emails in that I mentioned in Friday's post, calls Paloyan's office to see if while I was there for the shot, the pain issue could be addressed. About that time, the nurse comes back and mentions that she would like me to just hang tight for a bit, and she will talk with the doctor. 10 min later a decision is made to get me into the hospital for pain management. I honestly felt relieved and knew this was the best thing for me.
As of around 2pm Friday, I have been at Lakeland hospital, working with Dr. Stafford who has been in touch with Dr. Paloyan and I believe Dr. Jordan as well. Ironically, the gentleman that takes care of me in the infusion clinic, works here on the 4th floor one weekend a moth, and this is his weekend. So I am in good hands, hands that are familiar with my situation. Basically, we are trying to get a diet or regiment of medications that will allow me to lead a comfortable life... that new "normal" I mentioned a few times before. ALOT has changed since this current medication list was installed into my routine. I have been through radiation, started chemo, my body has changed alot, and the meds changed very little.
I think we have taken the right steps this weekend so far, and am confident that we will get this whipped, just a little hiccup. The pain friday was probably as bad as it has been at certain points, and today I am sitting here pretty content and looking forward to more great basketball on TV. Thats a whole other post in itself, go SPARTANS.
I touched based on it a bit last week, but there is a few procedures that they are considering or I should say will be doing Monday, in hopes of providing more pain relief. I will be here until Tuesday to recover from that.
As usual, when I get in here, we take over, ha. Alot of good company, good people, snacks, treats, etc. Its been great. I havnt had much of a chance to sit down and take a deep breath which I think I will now. I am actually here by myself for a bit while Stacy ran some errends. Alot has happened, changed or will be changing in the next week or so, I will try to write more tonight, but like I said, it gets crazy in this little room from time to time, and I dont know what I will be able to sneek into the schedule.
My hair is on its last leg, alot has fell out, more soon to come.
Its about lunch time, there are a few good stories I am leaving out, but time will only make em better! Thanks again everyone for all you have done and continue to do. I know one thing, its gotta be impossible for me to fail at anything with this much support behind me!
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