"cowboy"

"Meeeister Kacynski..... do not be a cowboy, you hear me?"

That quote has echoed through my head all week,  and now as I continue my daily routine this Friday morning.  Dr. Espinoza laid it out there in pretty blunt terms about my condition and the reason I couldnt walk Monday.  It was an eye opener and reality check.  Perhaps I needed to swallow my pride, and admit that there was going to be some tasks that I could not and should not attempt to manage. 

Thats been the hardest part thus far.  The waiting game.  Everyone says that very same thing in retrospect to their fight with cancer.  The waiting and unknown will test the will of even the strongest man.  I enjoy hard work, and its rewards.  I recieved great satisfaction in putting in 14 hours a day working or more.  I was always fairly self-sufficiant, I had a system that didnt really need an extra hand, but welcomed it from time to time.

I always told myself and those around me that I would still work around my treatment schedule and keep occupied in between appointments.  I think I proved myself wrong last weekend.

As hard as it is, I had to open my eyes to the obvious.... I am sick and need to take the time to heal.  This wasnt a seasonal cold or flu... its Stage 4 Renal Cell Cancer.  It was very hard for me to realize that its OK for me to take a few weeks off work and the daily grind, to just take it easy and recover.  I am no less macho or tough I suppose for taking time off to let time take its course and heal.

I can walk today, which I couldnt 4 days ago... let alone the other details in life that involve the use of your legs, ask Stacy for details, ha.  Lets just say that she is getting more than she bargined for when she said "I do".  This is that "in sickness and in health" part.  A steady diet of tablets and capsules lends aid throughout the day.  Radiation seems to already have a positive effect, just 4 days into the 3 week course, and with continued rest I think I am back on track.

I cannot express how truly greatful I am to have such great people in my life...

Thank you sooo much to all of you who have reached out to not only me, but Stacy, Lilli, and my parents.  Like I said, I have never been one to lean on others for much, but everyone has been so gracious and willing to lend a hand, and that truly means the world to me!  Thank you!

(fast forward to 3:25pm)

I am home now, and will try to keep this thing up to date, and do my part to keep out of the hospital in the near future.

Radiation continues Monday and  Tuesday takes us to the University of Chicago, then Wednesday back in St. Joseph to hopefully get the master plan with all that is in store.