-pluggin along-

I would have a hard time telling you which is the more difficult part of this part of my life, the physical fight, or mental. 

I have an over analytical mind as it is, and then to fuel that fire with something like a diagnosis of cancer, or the waiting between appointments, it can get a bit overwhelming.  I am used to instant results or reward.  In the past, I'd do something, and I can see what my efforts produced, almost immediatly.  That is far from the case here.  There is alot of waiting, its just as simple as that..  I now have to exercise every bit of patients I have, and I find myself exhausting those at times.  Its easy to drift into a mental state thats not positive or healthy.  Thats not an option.  I have to remind myself of that.  I really cant dwell on the fact that right now my focus is geting healthy.  Sometimes I feel like thats not enough.  I feel like I should be able to work on getting healthy, as well as get 8-10 hours of work done a day.  That just is not the case.  Priority number one right now is my health, and actually, thats plenty enough to fill my plate for the day. 

Physcially, the patients are tested as well.  I am still dealing with same symptons of leg and back pain and weakness which I am ready to move on from.  I think we started altering the medications just in time, as I can tell the same muscle fatigue and weekness thats in my legs and feet, is some what started in my arms and hands.  If I couldnt get on this laptop periodically through the day, I dont know what I would do.  Tomarrow hopefully I can get some answers in this area.  We meet with Dr. Paloyan tomorrow, and I am hoping that we can get some of the pain under control again and maybe in between the future chemo treatments I can resort to a schedule and some sort of normalcy.  As of now the chemo hasnt been too bad, just the fatigue and what not.  Still have my hair too!

In the mean time, I have been going to get my shot every morning.  TK and I have been knocking out a few little things through out the remainder of the mornings, and thats about it.  I get a few good hours a day up and out, at the most.  I try to make the best of them.  The afternoons and evenings have been occupied with some exersizing, computer work for the shop, networking etc.... and some great reading.  I have recieved a handful of great books and magazines from friends and family, and they were all pleasant surprises.  I am making a point to get those read this week, or at least a good dent into them.  Also recieved a handful of cd's that were made for me by one of Stacy's co-workers.  Her cd's are always a great, an eclectic mix, all different types of funk, jam, acoustic, soulful tunes.  Music is something that has always been a vitale part of my life, even if its just in the background, it was a way to get away.  I need to get back to that.

Selection Sunday is coming up, then its on.  I look forward to that.  March Madness is here.