"Patients" seems to be the reacurring theme here. As I have stated before, thats not really one of my strong points. I am a guy who is used to instant results either good or bad, and so far this whole "fighting cancer" thing doesnt play along by my rules. It seems to have a mind of its own apparently, and doesnt really give a damn what I want. Although I am through with radiation for time being, and have began chemotherapy, I have not seen the pain relief I was hoping for, in fact, I may be in a bit more pain now than I was 4 weeks ago. This is hard for me to get my head around.
I woke up this morning about 4 am, which is the norm for me lately. Frustrated and upset by the pain, I fired off 3-4 emails to my mother, to "vent" a bit. She's good for that. I can lean on her in times like this, she knows how I am and takes it... being in her position in the medical field, she also knows people who can give me answers. The emails are random, just wanting to know details as to why, and why not. The internet provides really nothing, as far as reassurance, due to the fact that more than half the material on the web is 5-10 years old or older. This disease and its treatment options have so far advanced in that time, that reading dated material such as that is more of a hinder than a help.
Its hard for me to understand exactly whats going on, there are so many variables involved. What causes what, and how do you address the issue? What is normal??? I dont want to be a whiner, but should this be happening? What about this, and where did this come from? I thought this was all part of it? All questions that I deal with that the poor doctor's have to sort through.
Its been a wild ride for the past 6 weeks or so, since the end of January. Its not over yet. At the risk of sounding mundane, its been amazing to have the amount of support that received. It never fails, where ever I go, people mention that they read this, or that I am in their thoughts and prayers and that they are pulling for me. Young and old, friends and foe even, people you never would expect, express that they are with me in this fight. Thats incredible. Times like yesterday when I am sore and hurting, sitting in the parking garage in a wheel chair, feeling sorry for myself....waiting for my ride to pull around. I hear an old family friend approaching me say that he reads this blog daily and just knows that I am gonna pull through.... that means the world to me, and makes me realize that this wont kill me, it can only make me stronger.
Things could be worse, just look at the first round of my NCAA bracket.
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Mike, I think you're incredibly strong. I read this every day and I can't believe how strong you are. Where some people would curl up in a ball of misery, you are fighting head on. Your attitude is what is going to get you through this. Don't feel bad about having a bad day here and there. You've already taken more than your share. Most people would be crushed by now. You're in my and your grandpa's thoughts each day and we're pulling for you. Aunt Karen and Grandpa Vince
ReplyDeleteJust remember. This cancer may be able to control part of your physical body for the time being but it can never control you or who you are. I know the past 6 weeks must seem like forever but look back on all that you have accomplished. In just 6 weeks you have obsorbed the initial diagnoses, worked to understand what it is, organized your support team, developed a plan of attack, and have started to implement your plan. All the while you have been fighting the physical challenges it presents, continued being a husband & father, created this blog and kept your sense of humer. I dont care who you are in this world, to accomplish all that is pretty damn impressive. Keep putting on your battle armour everyday because although it may not seem like it, I think you really are creating the rules.
ReplyDeleteWe could all hope that if we're in this position we could be as srong as you are. Reading this blog everyday is a eye opener to all of us and shows how strong & determind you are & you are allowed to have a bad day! Keep up your attitude & you'll show it whose boss!!
ReplyDeleteSue Rusch
YOU GO BOY!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMike,
ReplyDeleteStacy just gave me your blog web address this morning. I try and text her occasionally to see how you are doing. I have been thinking about you and your family constantly since she told me the awful news. I will keep you in my prayers. I know you are strong and it's not always easy to stay strong, but I know you will fight this! I'm thinking about you!! I'll keep in touch.
Take Care of yourself Mike,
Jason & Holly Freese
Well Mike what can I say but that I feel sorry for you and you will have bad days you have every right to feel sorry for yourself anybody would and even worse BUT then get back to your FIGHTING MODE AND LET EM HAVE IT BIG GUY! I get very angry that this had to happen to you none of my children & grandchildren are supposed to ever go thru this and now my husband of 57 years, your grandpa, is also going thru this life just is not fair at times but you are right this just makes bigger and better people out of us. You have got to know how much I love both you and Grandpa Bill and I truly believe better days are ahead.
ReplyDeleteLove, Grandma Beverly
Mike,
ReplyDeleteI have not heard about your walker lately. What have you been doing to pimp it? Does it have a new paint job yet. And where are you going to mount the amp and subs? You ought to design a line of cool walkers and chairs for the younger crowd. You could call it Vendetta Walker Sports. Something to think about.
Hang in there and keep writing and designing.
Aunt Julie
Mike,
ReplyDeleteIt really pisses me off when bad things happen to good people, and you Mike, are good people. It would be understandable if you were angry and depressed also. However, when you read all the comments people have made, it should be obvious that you have a lot of people in your corner. So, when you are feeling angry or depressed, remember all of our support and well wishes. Use our energy to supplement your own and kick cancers ass! Mental attitude and prayer are very powerful. I look forward to stopping by your shop again after you beat this thing to see what you are working on. You are in our prayers everyday.
Rob & Jacque Ritt
Mike,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I am Jamie and Holly's mom. Holly shared with me your blog. I have to say I'm touched by your strength and ability to write, and write wonderfully. Please keep these and do a book. It would be a best seller. You could touch so many lives. I am praying for you and Stacy. Prayers do make a difference. Please keep writing. Take care and keep that attitude - recovery is 90% attitude and you have a great one!
Renee Richardson
Mike,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I am Jamie and Holly's mom. Holly shared with me your blog. I have to say I'm touched by your strength and ability to write, and write wonderfully. Please keep these and do a book. It would be a best seller. You could touch so many lives. I am praying for you and Stacy. Prayers do make a difference. Please keep writing. Take care and keep that attitude - recovery is 90% attitude and you have a great one!
Renee Richardson