focus now

I am not making this up, but a side effect of the treatments I am enduring right now is lack of focus or lack of the ability to dedicate attention to certain tasks, such as reading, writing etc.  I have found this to be so true.  It all comes back to fatigue and exhaustion.  My Aunt Ann, who was on same main treatments I am on expirienced the same, which was reassuring.  Its always nice to know that, although everyone is diffeerent, I am not alone in this.  I was a bit scatter brained to begin with.  I was always writing myself notes on scratch paper, but I am now more than ever, and hardly ever seem to get anything I write down done.

So anyway, thats my excuse for lack of blog postings and such.  Please do not take it personal.  Keep the messages and support coming.

These blogs, for whatever reason, end up being about medications and the battle with those that I am facing.  Unfortunatly, that has become my life recently

The ongoing battle for balance continues.  I feel its the one constant that will remain through out this fight.  I think I mentioned it before.  Daily its as though I wake up and evaluate the situation, usually with the same response of "now... what the hell is this thats acting up?"  The balancing comes into place with medications ofcourse.  Too many of these cause weakness, but not enough and there is pain... you learn the difference real soon.  The same goes for other drugs, with opposite effects.  Also, its time that I wean off of some and move onto others, and the transitions are never smooth it seems.

There is sooo much technical jargin that goes with all this medication, its nearly a fulltime job staying on top of it all.  A new drug was introduced today to help restore bone integrity and steriods were reduced again, to help with same deal.  We have paper work, charts we make to keep track of it all, I still am confused.  I had chemo again today.  Thats a bitter sweet moment.  I know it will hand me a handfull of struggle, but relief seems to come from it as well, so thats a good thing.

Can not thank my dad, ol TK, enough.  Its been a tough week as I have had some tough bouts with pain and weekness, and we, should I say, he, managed to get alot down for me, and with me.  Ofcourse, Stacy... I would have no idea where I would be without her here for me.  Everyone's support comes in and fills in any loose seams and voids here and their, making it a bit easier.

I think I need to get off of here and onto to something more like pudding, maybe a milkshake?  These are my latest kicks.  Oatmeal too.  I have instants, for the quick fix, or the old fashioned hand made larger original versions.  Its acutally just like my pain meds, I have the original long lasting, good stuff, or the fast acting "instant reliefs"....  I think soo... pudding it is.

I will try to see if I can keep up on this thing a bit better than I have.  Anyone know where the Cubs have been this year?  4-4 aint horrible, but come on.... I still have hope... we'll see.  Go Tigers!